A Humorous Medical- Act

SCENE-  A patient is lying in bed groaning as a doctor walks in.

Patient: (groaning): Oh, Doctor! Oh Doctor!

Doctor: You don’t look good. I’ll find what it is that’s troubling you. I’ll examine you for $10.

Patient: Go ahead. If you find it I’ll give you half.

Doctor: Stick your tongue out.

Patient: What for? I’m not mad at you.

Doctor: Now, say Ah!

Patient: Ah.

Doctor: Say Fah!

Patient: Fah.

Doctor: Say Sol!

Patient: Sol.

Doctor: Say La!

Patient: Here I’m dying and he’s giving me singing lessons.

Doctor: Why do you keep looking down all the time?

Patient: The doctor I saw last week told me to watch my stomach.

Doctor: Did the nurse take your temperature?

Patient: I don’t know what she took. So far, I’ve only missed my wallet.

Doctor: Well, let me take your pulse. Ah! Your pulse is steady as a clock.

Patient: No wonder! You’ve got your hand on my wrist watch.

Doctor: Were you ever troubled by diphtheria?

Patient: Only when I tried to spell it. How long have you been practicing anyway, Doc?

Doctor: Oh, about thirty years.

Patient: Practising thirty years! Say, Doc , when are you going to learn?

Doctor: I’ll have you know that I’m a highly educated man. I graduated with a Bachelors of Arts, and three more degrees.

Patient: Oh, that’s nothing. I graduated from college with a hundred and four degrees.

Doctor: How’d you do that?

Patient: I had fever.

Doctor: Smart alec, eh!(moves out of the room frustrated.)

My Imagination

My imagination is a strange thing

It always runs riot.

I dream of chocolate cake and cheeselings,

When ever I'm on a diet.

I think of far away places ,

That only exist in dreams

And vast green open spaces

With jam-tart and ice-creams.

I imagine myself to be a queen,

With lawns so very clean and green,

With gorgeous places and carriages,

And visits to exotic marriages.

I travel to lands that time fogot.

And take joy-rides on dinosaurs,

Swim in Seas of divine sort

And work for a good cause.

Occasionally I wake up extremely frightened

When my imagination plays cruel tricks

I dream that a noose around my neck is tightened.

And down in my spine ran nasty pricks.

I imagine becoming the president,

And a role model for all to follow.

Of fighting anything sinister

And of leading the country to a better tomorrow

My imagination without restriction is wild

And travels without a care

But I better be curbed or I’ll end up

Building castles in the air.

Mother's Love

Enchanted by her love,
I write today
A mother's loving story,
For her child everyday.

Day and night, Dark or bright
She looks after her child,
Throughout her life,
she cares for her child,
To the best of her ability,
To the unit of her might.

Dying at her child's pain, eager at their words and games,
She fulfils his necessity everytime,
Neglecting her own needs and pains,
Obeying him like a servant each day.
She teaches him to do what is right.
Her love free from money and gain,
Pure as the sacred ganga.
Believes her child to a God,
And prays for him everyday.
And this is why i'm saying this my friends,
Near and far,
The God of today is your Loving mother
And so love her and be happy.

Women!! Ah!! Women!

How do scientists look at these people we call woman?

The chemical symbol for them is of course, "Wo"

Atomic weight- 120 more or less

Found wherever man is found.
Physical properties - generally round in form.
Boils at nothing and may freeze at anytime.
Melts when treated properly.
Very bitter is not treated well.

Chemical properties - very attractive, possesses an affinity of gold, silver, platinum and precious stones.
Violent when left alone.
Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food.
Turns slightly green when placed besides a better looking specimen.

Ages rapidly.

Uses - highly ornamental.
Catalyses the disintegration of wealth.

Is probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution - highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

      -a mens' point of view-

Men think they know everything there is to know about a woman!!

Why Are some People Left Handed?

Most people in the world do their work with their right hands but four percent in the world population is left handed. In history, great geniuses in the world like Leonardoda Vinci. Micheloangelo and Madame Curie were 'lefties'.

parents of left handed children make an effort to convert it but physologists are of the opinion that this sholud not be forced otherwise they may loose their celebral balance. Such children may also turn into idiots.

Now the question arises: why are some people left handed? If we examine the constitution of the body we will notice there is a little asymmetry between the left and right parts of the body. In general, the right side of the body is slightly heavier than the left side. Our brain is also divided into right and left cerebral hemisphere. Usually, the left hemisphere is predominant over the right half. In such cases, nerves from the brain cross over at the level of the neck and go to the right side of the body. Such people are right handed. But in minor cases the right cerebral hemisphere is predominant over the left half, then the nerves coming out of the brain pass on to the left part of the body and such people are 'lefties'.

The Beginning of The End

It was 7 O’clock in the morning and I opened first one eye and then the other before fully realizing where I was. I was greeted with a cherry, “Good morning, Robbie. Look out of the window. We have excellent weather and the sky looks dazzling.” But the thought that another day had passed so soon made me miserable. I knew that ‘good morning’ was just for the sake of it. For me everyday was full of endless suffering. The bright morning light like the gloom of twilight and even the sky seemed as if it were mourning for me….

During my school days, I had been a wonderful boy, the pride of my parents. I was very good at every activity and a very good student too. Teachers had high opinion of me and I was known to them as “The All Rounder”. Even my schoolmates seemed very impressed of me.

Somehow, 14 years flew by and I passed out of school with flying colors. I was my parents only son and I had resolved never to disappoint them.   When I started university, they gave me full freedom to do anything I wanted because they had full faith in me, that I wouldn’t go astray. But sadly I let them down.

I took advantage of their extravagant allowance. I misused the freedom I got. In short , I fell into bad company, but I did not realize it at first.

I used to think that what they did was ‘happening.’ From strict confines of school life I leapt straight into the mouth of disaster. With those so called friends of mine, I began to indulge in smoking.

From then on I could not live without smoking two or three packs a day. My interest in academics had diminished and I started behaving rude to my parents and peers. I put on a totally unconcerned attitude and thought that my image was great, but I was wrong ; I had already begun to ruin my life. But when the realization struck me, it was late, much too late to do anything.

Now, I am barely 23 years old and in the flower of youth, I am in the final stage of the big C. CANCER.

Lying on the bed of a drab hospital room and suffering daily tortures of radiation, I have begun the countdown to my D-day.

The Death Of My Dream.

Deft Definitions

Hemophilia

 A disease of blood with affinity (philia) to ‘he’ (male) only.

Gossip

Which no one claims to like but everyone enjoys.

  

Gastric Trouble

It is no trouble to its own but horrible troublesome to the ones around.

Hurricane

It is a clone of cyclone.

Kiss

To a geographer - The shortest distance between two curves.

To a physicist    -The contraction of mouth due to expansion of heart.

To an accountant – A credit because it is profitable when returned.

Obesity

A surplus gone to waist.

Old Age

When you wink at a girl and she asks, “ Anything wrong with your eye, uncle?”

Something others reach long before you do.

The time when one is more interested in pension rather than passion.

The time of life which reduces man to four eyes, three legs and two minds.

Policeman

A person who is never present in times of trouble but generally there when we cause it.

Professor

One who talks in the sleep of students.

Raincoat

Thunderwear !

Writer’s Cramp

Authorities !

Wife

To a biologist – Basic unit of life

To a businessman – A fair deal

To a cosmonaut – Just out of world.

To a computerist – The deepest blue of my life.

To a doctor – Life line

To a geographer – A great discovery

To a physicist – Electricity in motion

To a poet – A thing of beauty, a joy forever

To a principal – A class apart.

My Friends, My Sculptors.

In enduring the maëlstrom of adolescence, one must discover those values that one seeks in their friends and friendships. This struggle to define what one desires in one's friends allows one to define oneself. Through the agony and ecstasy of my youth, I have codified those beliefs I seek in my true friends: compassion, humility, and curiosity. As I have sought these qualities in others, I have begun demanding them from myself, pushing myself to accept the challenge of becoming a respectable citizen. Thus, I look to my friends as sculptors, chiseling my personality into a greater form.

Compassion includes not only the ability to accept others' faults and shortcomings, but also the courage to suggest solutions after examining the solution from all perspectives. I look for patient, kindred spirits who have the willingness to walk a mile in any man's moccasins; they have full knowledge of another's situation before questioning his judgment. My companions have shown me time and again those instances where I have failed in compassion. With their insight and guidance, these uncommon people have illuminated my own path toward self-betterment.

The honesty to admit defeat and accept victory necessarily carries a degree of humility with it. After beholding my own uneasiness in accomplishing these tasks, I peered into the pool of reflection and found that I failed to remain humble. Though I realized that he "who exalts himself shall be humbled, and he who humbles himself shall be exalted," I could not discover the courage to withhold my natural selfish tendencies. However, after studying the reactions of some venerable peers and friends, I saw that this quest for humility entails significant effort. Therefore, with the help of trusted supporters, I devoted my energies to the goal of accepting victory with the same humility with which I swallow defeat.

From my experience, I have observed that intellectual curiosity flows best through groups of people. When intellectuals gather to discuss controversial topics and seek definitions for obscure phenomena, they inherently gain from hearing other theories. In my short lifetime, I have discovered that my questioning of the world and my discussions with others have brought me more knowledge than classroom experiences. Though reading positively has no substitute, conversations with others certainly help to reinforce classroom topics. Thus, as I have matured into young-adulthood, I have searched for those people who might spark my intellectual curiosity simply because of their words.

The company one keeps molds one's personality. As I view the positive deeds of others, I instinctually accept some of their behaviors in my quest to move upward. The closest knit of my high school friendships have taught me the importance of treasured values and have created some rock-solid beliefs of my own. My friends have sometimes served as my greatest role models, forcing me to congratulate myself on discovering character-building individuals to expedite my growth.

    ......................................................................................................

Recipes of Sinful Drinks

1.Long Island Iced Tea

Ingredients:

• 1/2 oz Vodka 
• 1/2 oz Tequila
• 1/2 oz Light Rum
• 1/2 oz Gin
• 1 Dash Coca-Cola
• Twist of Lemon Peel (or Lime)

Method:

Mix all contents in a highball glass and stir gentlyAdd dash of Coca-Cola for the coloring and garnish with lemon twist.

Fact: Despite it's name it does not contain any tea.it has a much higher alcohol concentration, about 28%, than most highballs.

Advice:Drink responsibly as it is  the mother of all sinful drinks. Just one of these will get you grooving, two will send you to the walls..or as in my case the floor..lol 

2.Black Velvet (Cocktail)

 Ingredients:

• 1 part Champagne
• 1 part Stout 

Method:

Tilting the champagne flute to minimize foam, fill half full with stout.

Carefully pour the wine into the champagne flute, floating it atop the stout.If you are having difficulty getting the champagne to float, try pouring it into the glass over the back of a spoon.

Serve and enjoy!!

3.Appletini

Ingredients:

• 2 oz Vodka
• 1 oz De Kuyper Sour Apple Schnapps
• 1 dash Pineapple juice
• 1 sour mix

Method:

Combine ingredients in mixing tin over ice, shake or stir. Strain into chilled cocktail glass and garnish with a cherry. PS - the pineapple and sour are optional but really bring out the flavor of the martini.

D.I.Y - Headband

What you’ll need

·         A THIN PLASTIC HEADBAND

·         SPRIGS OF FAUX FLOWERS

·         TWO YARDS BLACK VELVET RIBBON

·         HOT GLUE GUN

·         SCISSORS

Step 1

Cut small sprigs from a branch of silk cherry blossoms. Try to keep at least three tiny buds attached to each stem. BEGIN BY GLUING SPRIGS on to the top of the headband.

Step 2

Wrap ribbon around the headband, leaving enough excess on each end to tie behind your head. Weave ribbon through the blossoms wrapping tightly. GLUE IN PLACE as you go.

                                                ˙·٠•●♥ Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ ♥●•٠·˙